Philly.com -- John Charles Spahr worked with handicapped children after college - he loved his job as a gym teacher, using his strong body and caring spirit to help the young people who needed him most.

But he had always dreamed of being a pilot, and began thinking of another kind of service, his family said.

After a few years, Spahr, a Cherry Hill native and graduate of St. Joseph's Preparatory School and the University of Delaware, entered the Marines.

Yesterday, the military confirmed that Spahr, 42, whose plane was reported missing earlier this week, died 15 miles from Karbala, in south central Iraq.

Spahr and another pilot, who both had launched from the aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson, were flying single-seat fighters about 30,000 feet over Karbala when radio contact was lost Monday evening. The two planes likely collided, the military said.

Spahr, a major, was executive officer of Marine Fighter Attack Squadron 323, based in San Diego, where he had lived for a decade. He had been flying F/A-18s since 1993, and in 1996 graduated from the Navy's "Top Gun" fighter weapons school, where he was first in his class, his brother Stephen said. Later, he was asked to teach others there.

When the Iraq war began in 2003, he was aboard the aircraft carrier USS Constellation. He began a second tour of duty in Iraq a few months ago.

His family gathered yesterday in Cherry Hill to make plans for his burial, but they also swapped stories of someone whose three-times-a-year visits were cherished.

Stephen Spahr said his big brother could light up a room by sheer dint of personality.

"He was extremely outgoing," Stephen Spahr said. "You don't get to that position in the military without a lot of charisma."

He was a perfectionist, but he also cared about everyone, his family said. If someone praised him for his bravery overseas, John Spahr would brush the kudos aside and ask for prayers for the ground troops.

"He was very caring - very much for other people," his brother said. "He always looked out for the underdog. He'd pick the overweight kid on the kickball team."

Once he decided to switch from education to the military, Spahr committed to a rigorous lifestyle. He often put in 16-hour days at work.

Still, family was first. He was especially devoted to his 8-year-old daughter, Chandler, and to his wife, Diane.

Stephen Spahr said his brother made certain to keep in touch with his mother and siblings, too, despite the thousands of miles between them. There were many trips between Cherry Hill and San Diego every year.

"He was just - terrific," Stephen Spahr said.

Albert Zimmerman, director of alumni relations at St. Joseph's Prep in Philadelphia, was registrar at the school during John Spahr's time there.

"I just knew he was real smart," said a shaken Zimmerman, who had just learned of Spahr's death. "He was quite an athlete - he was a three-sport letterman: football, baseball and basketball. He also rowed crew."

Under his photo in his 1981 yearbook, a grinning Spahr was named "best all-around athlete."

Zimmerman was relatively new to the school when Spahr attended, and the young man made an impression on him. Teachers and students respected Spahr, said Zimmerman.

As he reflected on a person who seemed to have everything, Zimmerman said he wasn't surprised that Spahr ended up as a high-ranking officer.

"His sparkle - it just helped him through the ranks," said Zimmerman.

Spahr is survived by his wife, his daughter, his mother, four older sisters, and brother.